By The Editorial Board

The Evoraburg News first went to press on October 5, 1893. Our values are longstanding. Our responsibility to form opinions is based on research, debate, and our longstanding values of fairness. We also depend on the expertise of our seasoned reporters and the St. Anselm College Freschi School of International Studies faculty.

This past Tuesday, the Board gathered at The Egg’lectic Café to discuss a document we received from a whistleblower working for an alphabet-titled federal agency. We agreed to protect our source and the agency. The document has serious consequences for our town this election year. Following serious debate, while enjoying slices of freshly defrosted banana cream pie and homemade carrot cake served with a just-brewed pot of coffee, the Board voted to release the document. The following is an unedited transcript of a conversation between Mayor Plunket Howe (PH) and Yakhov Oktyabrinovich Dashkov (YOD). Dashkov is a Russian oligarch with close ties to the Kremlin bureaucrats. He owns a fleet of taxis. In 2024, he was awarded the Moscow Taxi Cab Driver of the Year Medal.

The agency in question translated the following document, whose authenticity has been verified. The conversation took place in January of this year, a few weeks after Mayor Howe returned from his Virgin Islands vacation.

YOD: Hello.

PH: Yakhov?

YOD:  Yes. Who is this?

PH: This is Plunket Howe. We met a few weeks ago in the Virgin Islands. You gave me your telephone number and said to call if I ever needed anything.

YOD: Okay. I remember. You are a mayor, yes. What can Yakhov do for you, my good friend?

PH: I’ll get to the point. My oldest son, Jack, will be attending Cambridge in England this fall—

YOD: So, that is good. Cambridge provided good education to Kim Philipy and Anthony Blunt, good friends of Russia during Cold War (laughs). You ever read espionage novel by John le Carré? George Smiley (laughs). He was a good character working for the wrong side.

PH: I saw the movie. Reading puts me to sleep. My secretary, a tremendous woman, really great, does the reading for me. Action and adventure movies with men with good genes are more interesting and powerful. Men like me.

YOD: Tell me what your son study. Maybe international finance, yes. He maybe go to work with the World Bank Group?

PH: How did you know? He will be in the economics doctoral program. I have been telling him for years to go into banking. You know the financial world is a mess, a real disaster. They’re doing really bad things. What’s going on in banking is terrible. Their regulatory decisions make things really bad.

YOD: Men like us know how to work around regulations. But how I know, um, lucky guess. How can Yakhov help in some way?

PH:  That’s why I’m calling—

YOD: We are old friends, Plunket. How can I assist you?

PH: Yakhov. Jack is unable to afford his studies.

YOD: You are a wealthy man and can assist him, yes?

PH: On paper, on paper, you know. I’ll tell you, I’ve have some of the greatest accountants I’ll ever meet working on my taxes. Great people. You gotta have good accountants. You gotta have it right to hide your money. Yakhov, you’re dealing with the golden goose in the taxi business. My uncle, a tremendous guy, read that story to me when I was a kid. I’ll never forget the lesson. We gotta have those golden eggs. Jack hasn’t learned that yet. He always wants my money. And that’s true.

YOD: I understand. I have ten. I never see them or their mothers. “Small children, small troubles; big children, big troubles.” (laughs). “Без труда не вытащишь и рыбку из пруда.”

PH: Uh?

YOD: It means without effort you can’t even pull a fish out of a pond. Men like us pull big fish out of pond. We need money on books to impress, but never have enough. Always insufficient. Difficult time for you. We have our troubles, too, in Russia. Cambridge is expensive. Maybe £210,000 total for international student. How would you feel if I help? I know people.

PH: The golden goose.

YOD: For both of us. I do this for you. We have a big party for your son to celebrate his accomplishment in Bora Bora. Nice resort there. Yakhov arrange everything. Your son isn’t married?

PH: No, not at present—

YOD: I will introduce Jack to nice girl from Belarus. Sviatlana Petrova is student of cultural and art history at Cambridge. Good family. Her father, Andrej, is a good friend of Yakhov. I know he can be persuaded to help your son after I speak to Kremlin friends.

PH: Is she is attractive?

YOD: Sviatlana is, how do you say красивая женщина? Ah, yes, pretty woman like in Roy Oberson song.

PH: I saw the movie. Incredible, really.

YOD: Love at first sight. Soon wedding bells ring. Yakhov promise.

PH: Great. I know they will be unbelievably happy and love me.

YOD: You are a lovable guy.

PH: I’m tremendous, really tremendous, at solving problems. And I’ll tell you, I’m very, very proud of my incredible ability at solving problems.

YOD: Yakhov solve this problem for you, my friend. You tell Jack not to bring any girlfriend to big party and Cambridge. If he does, I am afraid Yakhov will be disappointed.

PH: He isn’t in a serious relationship, just friends.

YOD: Okay. That is good to my ears. Friends will be welcome. I understand you have connections as mayor. This is true? And you are campaigning for reelection?

PH: I am running for a third term.

YOD: And you know other important people, yes?

PH:  Yes, I know influential people, great people, tremendous people.

YOD: Yes, of course. Invite business friends to big party. Good investment opportunities. We all make lots of money. Maybe someday Yakhov help you run for senate.

PH: I would make a great senator, do a tremendous job.

YOD: This is good. We discuss and make plans.

PH: (chuckles) I feel as if I am in a le Carré movie.

YOD: (Laughing) The spy who came in from the cold. (laughs). My friend, you never know. We discuss this big party for Jack and Sviatlana next week. All expenses paid for you, your lovely wife, and Jack. I will have everything arranged, including taxi rides from airports. This is what good friends for.

PH: Thank you, Yakhov. You are being more than generous, more than generous.

Carl A. Ten Hoopen contacted Mayor Plunket Howe for a statement regarding this document. The mayor’s office issued the following:

“I categorically deny any efforts on my part to obtain financial benefits from my friendship with Mr. Yakhov Oktyabrinovich Dashkov. We met earlier this year while on vacation in the Virgin Islands with my wife. During our time together, Mr. Dashkov and I did not discuss political matters related to Evoraburg. I emphatically deny that he offered to donate to my campaign. It is unfortunate that an unidentified individual fabricated this alleged telephone conversation. This is a sinister plot to discredit me. I have every reason to believe this conversation is AI-fabricated. My friendship with Mr. Dashkov should not be assumed to come with a Russian agenda. I will acknowledge that my son Jack does know Sviatlana Petrova and they are engaged to be married. They met this past June at a party, which neither my wife nor I attended, celebrating Jack ‘s acceptance to Cambridge. There was nothing nefarious about their meeting. Their wedding is in December.”

The Mayor’s statement confirms aspects of the document but leaves questions open. My investigation finds that Mayor and Mrs. Plunket were present at the party. It raises concerns that Mr. Dashkov could seek something from the mayor down the road. What is his interest in introducing Ms. Petrova to the mayor’s son? What does he stand to gain by showing interest in our small city? Who are the business people the mayor introduce to Mr. Dashkov? How did they benefit from meeting with him?

Photo by Killian Cartignies on Unsplash

Tinkering Taxi Driver, Mayor, Spy: Catching A Hand in the Cookie Jar ©2025 Charles van Heck

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events and locales is entirely coincidental. Artificial Intelligence (AI) was not used in the creation of this story.