Charles van Heck's Woodhull Journal

By Carl A. Ten Hoopen

Things happened quickly and quietly. Unexpectedly? The answer to that question depends on who you ask.

Only their closest friends caught the star quarterback’s drifting attention. His head-cheerleader girlfriend seemed to be flirting with somebody else. Friends noticed a change in her tone of voice when she spoke about him. She didn’t cling to his every word. Worse yet, he saw less admiration for himself in her eyes. There were rumors in the locker room after a tough game that went on too long. Then there was the ballroom dinner dance. Everyone noticed that the cheerleader and the quarterback arrived in different cars, and they weren’t dancing together.

Donnie Trump, when not doing his YMCA dance, was overheard saying to the team water-boy, Ron DeSantis, “Do you think it’s easy being with Marjorie?” That set off a flurry of rumors and speculation around the dance floor on Friday night. The gossip was confirmed later in the evening. Donnie Trump was breaking up with Marjorie Taylor Greene.

The Capitol Hill High School football coach, Mike Johnson, was asked how the breakup would affect the MAGA team. Could Donnie continue his winning streak? Johnson, who has been known to think of Greene as a distraction (“More of a thorn in Mike’s side,” one source remarked), is confident that Donnie will keep on making those touchdown passes and that the running game remains strong.

The shock of the news reverberated through MAGA fans. Donnie didn’t help himself when he sent out a text that read, “all I see ‘Wacky’ Marjorie do is COMPLAIN, COMPLAIN, COMPLAIN!” This from a guy who used to call Greene a “star” and “a real winner.” And what did Greene say about the quarterback she used to feel “love” for? When she saw Donnie’s text, Greene retorted, “I don’t worship or serve Donald Trump.” Ms. Greene went on to say, “I worship God, Jesus is my savior, and I serve my district GA14 and the American people.” GA14 is, of course, her neighborhood.  

Apparently, their love has wilted like the corsages Trump pinned on her at homecoming.   

What exactly is Greene complaining about? Her annoyance stems from Donnie’s role as president of the Student Council. She raised questions in a council meeting about Jeffrey Epstein, Trump’s one-time friend. He was arrested for sex trafficking underage girls to bigwigs. She wants to know more and supports the women who were abused and are victims. Donnie wants this subject to go away. Trump and Greene disagree about such matters as Israeli conduct in Gaza, his throwing firecrackers during the Israeli-Iran game, and how he turned around on the game plan during the grid with Ukraine. She also questions Donnie’s hanging out with the school nerds in the computer room, playing with artificial intelligence without “guardrails and breaks.” He wants the council to support the demise of Obamacare, which has led to the doubling of health insurance premiums. She differs with her former beau on the handling of immigration. The student council minority leader, Hakeem Jeffries, has said that Donnie throws ketchup when he doesn’t get his way.   

Love between a star quarterback and a cheerleader is short-lived, not permanent. Love and disillusionment often accompany infatuation. Donnie discovered that Marjorie has her own mind. He is displeased that she spends time with the school’s Progressive Club members. Marjorie has also been seen with the girls in The View club, and speaking with the editor and writers of the school’s newspaper, The Anchors, which Donnie despises for being “low-IQ hating Republicans”, but she hasn’t been seen in the cafeteria having lunch with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Not yet, anyway.

The big question is whether Marjorie will return Donnie’s red MAGA hat. She was often seen wearing it in the hallway, during classes, and in her neighborhood grocery store. So far, she keeps it in her locker, though, Marjorie still cheers with MAGA pom-poms.

Donnie has been seen roaring around town, ignoring stop lights and signs, in his red BMW M8 Convertible with Pam Bondi, Kristi Noem, and Stevie Miller. Tulsi Gabbard hasn’t been seen in the car for a few weeks. Now, Marjorie Taylor Greene is absent. You have to wonder what will happen if he bumps into her at his favorite hamburger palace, Joe’s Jip Joint.

Carl A. Ten Hoopen is the political and business reporter for the Evoraberg Independent

Photograph by: Stephen Harlan on Unsplash